It’s another digital disaster for the Go 2 Guy

But this one had a happy ending. And it’s time for Girl Scout Cookies.

BEND, Ore. - I’ve mentioned how much I dislike cyber-anything, digital-anything and streaming-anything.

This hatred also includes QR codes and digital coupons at grocery stores.

Oh, and six-digit codes, how could I have forgotten them?

Yes, I’m interrupting my usual routine of yelling at clouds and telling kids to get off my lawn so I can complain about this crap that is supposed to make our lives better.

Let me start by explaining what’s going on with my part-time job as a free-lance columnist for the Tacoma News Tribune.

I greatly appreciate, as in GREATLY appreciate, that sports editor Sean Robinson allows me to write twice a month for the News Tribune. I write every other week, and Danny O’Neil, who I used to work with at 710 ESPN Seattle, writes on the other weeks.

The difference between Danny and I? Seventeen years since he’s 51 and I’m 68, and I’m guessing he’s a lot sharper when it comes to getting paid for his columns in the News Tribune than I am.

To my best recollection, I am now trying to navigate the third invoicing system in the past seven or eight months. With the first invoicing system, I got so frustrated with trying to figure it out that Sean the sports editor just decided to do it for me.

The second system was instituted last fall, and I was somehow successful one time when I submitted my invoice. When the payment showed up in my bank account, I thought about popping a bottle of champagne.

I assume this is routine stuff for most people, but not for me.

So one would think that if I were able to successfully file an invoice the first time that it would be no problem the second time, right?

Wrong.

I tried filing that sucker three times exactly the way I filed the first one and got no response whatsoever. I emailed that email support address they give for dummies like me and yep, no reply.

I didn’t want to bother Sean again, I really didn’t. If I’m him, I’m not so sure that whatever I’m giving the News Tribune is worth it.

I told Sean I would give it one more try. I pictured Sean being at wit’s end with me, and I really like him and felt bad that I’m such a doofus when it comes to this stuff.

Lo and behold, Sean told me to hold off for awhile because they were implementing a new invoicing system that would be the easiest one of all.

Well, damn, if it’s the easiest one of all, even a dim cyber-bulb like me can file my invoice in a matter of minutes and be on my way.

At long last I envisioned a hassle-free experience, one that wouldn’t make me feel like I was wearing a digital dunce cap.

Wrong again.

Last week I tried the new and improved invoice system called Glimmer and was sailing merrily along until I hit a snag when it requested tax information, and I’m thinking, wait a minute, you pay me and I’ll supply the tax information for the income when I do my tax return.

Besides, I’d already supplied all of that info to the News Tribune when I started writing for them five years ago.

I’m owed $900 and had reached a point where the issues I was experiencing, even if they were self-inflicted, weren’t worth it. I was ready to forfeit $900 just to avoid mounting stress levels because if I had a stroke and croaked, I wouldn’t be able to spend the 900 bucks anyway.

I contacted Glimmer for help, and Sean did too, instructing the Glimmer bots to deal with him and not with me.

He told them:

“Jim is reflexively hostile to tech, and the latest experience is just making him angry. I know how to talk to him. Please talk to me first.”

Sean’s an absolute saint. God love him.

I gave myself a pep talk and said, come on, Jim, give it one more try, you can do it. Maybe the cyber gods heard me and thought, “Ah, let’s give the old bastard a break. But just this once.”

I went to my profile page that I filled out last week in complete frustration mode. On the part that asked me for a thumbnail bio, I wrote:

“Retired guy in Bend, Oregon who loves dogs and hates all of this reset password and digital stuff. But I think you’d enjoy having six or eight beers with me.”

When Glimmer asked for my desired rate of pay, I said:

“$500,000 a day.”

I wasn’t lying, and you wouldn’t have been either. Isn’t that what we really want and think we’re worth?

After a few more hiccups along the way, I am happy (relieved?) to report that I was woken up from this nightmare by an email from Glimmer telling me:

“Your request has been received and is being reviewed.”

Then half an hour later, another Glimmer email appeared and said:

“Congratulations on finishing your project. Your payment will be issued on 2/27/26.”

As if they know what you’ve just been through, after your hair is pulled out and you need several tequila shots to feel normal again, the folks who put you through this actually have a sense of humor. Get a load of how they end their emails…

“Keep shining!”

The Glimmer Team

Keep shining? Don’t you have to shine first to keep shining?

They probably get tired of dealing with curmudgeons like me, the ones who talk about the good ol’ days when someone in a newspaper office would say:

“Let’s see, Moore’s written five columns for us at X amount for each one. What’s his address again?

And they‘d mail you a check and that would be that.

It’s more complicated now, much more, and we’ve reached the point where that isn’t that anymore, and it all makes sense to everyone, it seems, but me.

GIRL SCOUT COOKIES

It’s that time of the year again. I was at Fred Meyer in Bend yesterday when a Girl Scout was setting up a table, preparing to sell cookies. You can buy them through the end of March.

For $6 a box, you can once again get Thin Mints, Samoas, Tagalongs, Adventurefuls, Lemon Ups, Do-Si-Dos and Tre-Foils. But if you’re looking for S’mores or Toast-Yays, they’ve been dropped from the lineup.

Exemplemores are the new addition this year - a rocky road-inspired sandwich cookie with chocolate, marshmallow and toasted almond cream.

Why am I bringing this up? I don’t know, I just feel like everyone has an opinion about Girl Scout Cookies, and I heard Jason Puckett talking about them earlier this week on his PuckSports.com podcast with John Canzano.

Puckett’s like me, even if he’s already bought 18 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies, if he sees another Girl Scout selling cookies, he can’t just pass her by and buys a 19th box.

It’s not about being so crazy for the cookies that you can’t get enough of them - you just don’t want to ignore that little girl who’s trying her best to sell her cookies.

I honestly don’t really like Girl Scout Cookies, which is a rare thing to admit because typically if anything has sugar in it, I’m all over it and want more and more.

Like last night, most people would have been satisfied after having one Popsicle. But no, I had to have another Popsicle along with two strawberry mochis. Ever try those little rice-covered ice cream balls? If you haven’t, do it.

And even that wasn’t enough. I topped off my sugar addiction with two mint Oreo cookies, and they were so darn good that I had to have two more.

I can’t have the chocolate-covered Oreos in our house because if I did, I’d eat the whole box in one night.

Samoas are a popular Girl Scout Cookie.

Puck thinks there should be a special place in hell for the guy who tells the little girl:

“I’ll catch you on the way out.”

And bypasses her on the way out or leaves through the other door.

I agree. Just pull out your $6 out and buy a box.

I also tend to agree with Canzano’s contention that he won’t buy cookies from a Girl Scout if her mom or dad is giving the sales pitch. The girl needs to do it herself.

I say “tend to agree” because some kids are inherently shy, and I get it, I still get stage fright at times and I’m a grown-ass man.

Help ‘em out if you can, it’s a good cause.

BE BETTER

Has anyone ever criticized you for something and ended their chastising session by saying:

“Be Better?”

When someone says that, do you feel like me? It makes me want to “Be Worse” just to further aggravate Mr. High and Mighty Guy.

That happened to me earlier this week, I can’t even remember what it pertained to, but I won’t forget the last two words: “Be better.”

I picture someone in the “Be better” crowd up on his elevated pedestal. He can’t figure out why everyone can’t be better and see the world like he does.

Hey “Be betters” out there, do me a favor and leave the rest of us alone.

SHOPPING LIST

This will sound like I’m a horrible husband when I mention what happened to me for the umpteenth time earlier this week. And I’m guessing it’s happened to you too.

I was on my way to the Safeway in the south end of town and texted my wife to ask if she needed anything at the store.

Kathie gave me a short list. I picked those things up, went through the self-checkout, got to my car and was about to head home when I noticed another text:

“If you haven’t left the store already, can you get some coconut milk?”

At this point, what do you do? Do you simply drive home and say sorry, I didn’t get the coconut milk because I got your text after I had left the store.

Or you figure, what the heck, I’ll go back in and get the coconut milk if I can somehow find where it is and get a figurative gold star from my wife for going above and beyond the call of duty.

I thought about future spats in which even if you’re wrong, you might get some slack for getting that coconut milk last week when you didn’t have to.

I went back in and asked one of the checkers for the whereabouts of the coconut milk. After following her directions to aisle 1, I took my place in the long self-checkout line behind another wife.

First off, I’m thinking, I came back in to get one damn item and now I’ve got to wait in this long-ass line. Then I thought, ah what the hell Jim, you’re retired, nothing pressing this afternoon aside from taking a nap and throwing Frisbees for Skye before it gets dark.

I told the woman in front of me about what was happening in real time, and she had a look on her face that basically said she couldn’t believe whatever this white-haired man was telling her but acted like she was sympathetic to what he was saying anyway..

And at that moment I got another text from Kathie and showed it to the nice lady.

“See!” I said. “There’s another one.”

“Oh, and if you haven’t left,” Kathie said, “can you get a chili pepper too?”

The lady said: “Go get the chili pepper and I’ll save your spot in line. But hurry.”

“Hurry?” I said. “Do I look like I can hurry? I’m 68 fercrisakes.”

I asked another employee where I could find the chili peppers. He took me directly to them, I picked one up and by the time I got back to the line, it was longer than before, and the lady who said she’d save my spot was already checking out.

I don’t know if I received extra credit or bonus points when I got home because Kathie was sound asleep. And later, the knockoff Tom Kha Thai soup she was trying to make with those ingredients didn’t work out very well.

I apologize for writing at length about something so mindless and insignificant. If you’re a paid subscriber who’s wondering why you’re paying me $5 a month, sorry, I’ll try to, gulp, be better.

HOMELESS QUESTION

Just wondering, do you typically give money to a homeless person with a cardboard sign? Or do you see him or her and drive by without donating?

I’m hit and miss with that. If I have some dollar bills in my wallet, I’ll usually give ‘em one. But I’m conflicted. Sometimes I look at them and think: “Couldn’t they be working somewhere, anywhere, even for minimum wage?”

And as soon as I think that, I wonder about the person, what happened along the way to lead him to where he’s standing now. And will my money and everyone else’s money simply be used for necessities like food or an unnecessary bottle of booze?

I’m a much softer touch than I used to be. After losing my job at 710 ESPN Seattle, I felt closer to being “homeless” than I ever had before. I wasn’t all that close to being truly homeless, but I could see how things could head in that direction if I didn’t find another job pretty soon.

Here’s one thing for certain - if the homeless person with a cardboard sign has a dog with him, I give him money 100 percent of the time, thinking that even if he’s gonna get hammered tonight, he’ll at least spend some of it on food for his dog.

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