They fired their third-string hitting coach?

Wow, what a bold move by the Mariners! They’re in it to win it now!

When will there be consequences for this man? Answer: Never.

RENTON - I was back in Seattle for my grandson’s first birthday party so I missed yesterday’s 7-1 loss to the Rangers, making the Mariners 0-2 since Jerry Dipoto tried to fire up the troops by firing third-string hitting coach Bobby Magallenes.

To his discredit, Dipoto explained before yesterday’s game why he fired Magallenes, giving reasons that weren’t very good at all, basically admitting he felt like he needed to do something, and this was the something he came up with.

“Bobby is a wonderful human. He’s a great guy,” Dipoto said. “But at the end of the day, the only way to instigate some type of change is by making some type of change. Change grabs attention. There are consequences to our results.”

Dipoto’s been seeing what we’ve been seeing, correctly saying that the Mariners’ offense “has been abysmal for two months.”

Let’s take a deep dive into this shallow-ass move made by Dipoto.

How in God’s name does anyone take him seriously, whether you’re a player or a fan, when you fire the third-string hitting coach and expect that to be the jolt the team needs?

And especially when the third-string hitting coach is as well-liked and respected as Magallenes appeared to be.

Julio Rodriguez called him “a friend and really good coach.”

Dom Canzone was upset to the point of being really pissed off, calling the dismissal “brutal” and adding: “He was the guy that I was with pretty much all the time.”

This indicates that Magallenes was instrumental in turning Canzone from a part-time player into a regular force in the Mariners’ lineup.

I call Magallenes the third-sting hitting coach because I think that’s what he was. The No. 1 guy is Kevin Seitzer. The No. 2 guy is Edgar Martinez.

If Dipoto truly wanted to do something different, he would have fired Seitzer. Other teams don’t mess around with cosmetic moves of firing their third-string hitting coach if they even have one.

Keep in mind this is a team that a couple years ago had the audacity to call someone they hired their “offensive coordinator,” using a football term, undoubtedly because Jerry thought that would sound cool to call him that.

If Dipoto really, really, really wanted to grab everyone’s attention, he would have kept his third-stringer and gotten rid of his second-stringer.

But we all know that Edgar is the most sacred cow on the farm, more sacred than Dan Wilson if that’s possible.

If Dipoto had fired Edgar, now we’re talking about something different. Know what that would have told us - the Mariners mean business! Finally! Once and for all, they mean business!

I have no idea if an Edgar shit-canning would be warranted, but if Dipoto’s going to give us some half-assed reasons why he shit-canned Magallenes, surely he’d have some bogus stuff he could tell us as to why he offed Martinez.

And even that wouldn’t grab everyone’s attention. Randy Arozarena would have probably showed up for Friday’s game and said: “We fired Edgar? Who’s he? Oh well.”

The real attention-grabber would be a package deal with Wilson AND Edgar being fired.

This would indicate that the Mariners are at long last getting rid of their ties to a distant past in which these two men were instrumental in some short-term success with this franchise.

Think about it, the 1995 season was 31 years ago. The 2001 season, 25 years ago.

And think about this - just because Wilson was a good player and Martinez was a terrific one doesn’t necessarily make them a great manager and coach.

Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t, I have no idea. But if Jerry’s gonna try and sell us a bill of goods by telling us they’re pink-slipping a guy for the sake of making a change, how about going all in and doing what the Phillies and Red Sox did?

Those two teams fired people who actually matter - their frickin’ managers, not some third-stringer working with guys behind the scenes in the batting cages.

The Phillies fired their manager in April after a poor start to the season and are now good enough to be in the playoffs if the season ended today.

The Red Sox fired their manager in April and recently reeled off 15 wins in a row.

And boy does Jerry talk a big game when he says: “There are consequences to our results.”

What a strange comment from a man who always seems to sidestep consequences himself.

If I’m Magallenes, I’m thinking, damn, that seemed unjustifiable, but at least I’m free from working for that Mickey Mouse operation.

At least we heard that Wilson lobbied against the move to fire Magallenes, but as we know, Dan the Man was a nickname from the past, not so much anymore. Jerry’s the man here now, always has been, always will be, calling the shots regardless of what his manager thinks.

The best hope for the Mariners at this point? To somehow turn this train wreck around, which they’ve done before this year and in a most unlikely development will probably do it again and make people like me eat our words.